Your Ignorance, My Motivation

before anyone reads this

please read the post before this

titled 'love story'

it might take a longer while

but please

and i mean

PLEASE

dear

it was tough reading your story with him

really tough

it left me shattered into pieces

but what's more tough

is that after being shattered

i will still have to respond

its a promise to you

that i will respond to your every single post

even though

i know you aint gonna read it

it is perhaps the only promise i can keep for you now

but its the most i can do for you now

my dear

your dear did a lot for you

i never did anything much for you

but i never had the chance

things that would create a scenario for me to touch you

doesn't seem to happen at my time

if it had

i will make what he did for you

seem like kacang putih

ever since things happened

i cursed

i want his parents and family die cruelly

but not him

reason?

because i want him hurt

not you

if his dad and mom are dead

he will hurt

like hell

but if he died

you will hurt

that's why

i don't want him to

ever since things happened

i started a battle with god

in which i won

but not without a tough fight

god is a difficult opponent

full credit to him

at times i came close to being knocked out by him

although in the end i emerged victorious

but i also emerged with bruises

anyway

i'm still happy

that i'm able to prove

that i'm just that little bit better than god

now

here i am

still standing

tougher

thinking of it that way

you are not that bad for me

those things you put me through

made me tougher

for 16 months

you ignored me

erased me cleanly from your memory

you want me out of your life

you want to see no stuffs related to me

while you only want everything related to him

but did you know

the more you don't want to see me

the more i want to be seen by you

my dear

i wish you will come across me

in the future

when you flip through newspapers

when you read through magazines

when you turn on the tv

when you tuned in to the radio

when you surf the internet

when you drive by street advertisement billboards

yes

i want to be famous

and yes

i know lots of young people dreamt of being famous

but i'm different from them

i'm serious about it

and i'm working on it

my dreams include being

a radio dj

a television host

a movie director

a magazine editor

an event emcee

in short

being in the entertainment industry

and yes

all those gives me a chance

to reappear in your life

through those ways mentioned above

i want to direct a movie about your story with him

i want to write a song about us

if the opportunity comes

i will try

looking at it this way

ain't your ignorance a motivation for me?

and after i succeed

and if i were given the chance

to be recognized

by receiving an award for my job

and if i were to have the chance to say a few words onstage

after thanking those i wish to thank

i will reserve a special mention to you

yes

you see it right

in front of the television and live audiences

while hoping that you are watching

I WILL THANK YOU

for my success

because your ignorance have given me the extra motivation

for me to be who i am

because without your ignorance

i wouldn't have achieved what i achieved by then

and i mean it