Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Shed

the historical shed
and those old trees
by the football field
of smjk kwang hua
have been destroyed
to build a new building
nature and history
had to make way
for development

my sweat are all over the roots of the trees
and all under the roofs of the shed
its the place
i rest
and chill
after playing like a tiger
on the football field
for five golden years of my life
great memories there

the shed
was there since my dad was a student in the same school
and those trees
are there since none of us were born
they represent history
and glory
of the school

people protested
people complained
but
what's done is done
it might be gone physically
but it will go down the memory lane
of each of us who studied there

just like you
things might have happened
but you will never fade away
from my memory







dedicated to: 巴生光华国中天祥亭和草场边的老树,美好回忆,永在记忆

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Biography of a Footballer (fictional)

hi
my name is simao jenson
i'm a footballer
currently a free agent
unattached to any club

i'm a striker
my job
is to score goals

in 2007
i signed for real madrid
my coach is joss moreno
i find him a very easy going person
working with him is easy
shared jokes on the training ground
just like great friends

moreno plays with only one striker
and when i signed for the club
wayne ronny has already established himself
as moreno's top striker
i'm his substitute
and i'm satisfied with it

i consider ronny as a pal
he is 3 years younger than me
i knew him when we played together at newcastle united

although i'm satisfied with my position initially
after some time
i realized that i have the urge to play
but since ronny is already established and he's a friend of mine
i decided to patiently wait for my chance
there are times when ronny had some bad patches
he lost his form and aren't scoring goals
moreno consulted me
i had mixed feelings
i wanted to have a chance to play
but in the end
i convinced moreno to give ronny some oppotunities to prove himself
as i'm confident in ronny's ability

then one day in early 2009
moreno finally ran out of patience with ronny's constant poor performances
moreno sold ronny to another club
i thought
its my chance to prove myself to the coach
i was so eager to impress my coach
that in one match
i made a very bad tackle
and referee decided to give me a red card
moreno was not impressed by my actions
so
he decided to promote kelvin benjema
a younger player from the youth team
to be ronny's replacement

i talked to moreno
and told him that i should be given more time to prove myself on the pitch
he gave me a warning that i should discipline myself

meanwhile
benjema did not perform well
and was dropped by moreno after just a few games
this time around
moreno chooses michael nevo
another young player from the youth team
to be his striker

i felt disillusioned
i complained to the media again and again
this time moreno was angered
he sent me to the reserves team
and told me not to complain anymore
or else my contract will be terminated
and i will be released from the club

like benjema
nevo did not play well
so moreno decided to drop him
now
i no longer wished to be the first choice striker
but i hoped to at least be returning to the first team

then
out of nowhere
moreno decided to sign jack wilson
an experienced striker of the same age with me
that shocked me so much
because i never thought that moreno would sign him

after several more months in the reserves
i lauched another attack on moreno
by criticizing him over and over again
for not giving me a chance time after time

by the end of 2009
my contract was terminated
i permanently left real madrid
and due to the experience i had at the club
i lost my passion for football
i do not plan to return to playing football for a period
even if there are coaches that wanted to sign me
hence i'm still unattached to any football club up till today
instead i share my experiences on my blog
and my biography







*if you thought i finally came out with a post which is not about you
sorry to frustrate you again
because
this is still about you
and all the things that had happened
just that i used a football story
to bring them out
all characters are fictional
their names edited from actual footballers
i'm like simao jenson the footballer
you're like joss moreno the coach
and your boyfriendsssss: wayne ronny, kelvin benjema, michael nevo, and jack wilson

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Synthesize

fireflies
vanilla twilight
hello seattle
hot air balloon
strawberry avalanche

have you heard of those?
they are songs
from owl city
a one man band

sounds lonely
perhaps that guy felt lonely too
and its this sense of loneliness
that made his songs
sound so peaceful
but the lyrics
are about his sweetheart
who left the world
he wrote his songs
at night
when he suffered from insomnia

synthesizer
a unique musical instrument
he used in his songs
to create the uniquely peaceful beats
that we heard in his songs

and so it seems
you synthesized as well
words from you are aligned to the left
while words from him aligned to the right
two persons became one
and shared a blog
it became a place
for two of you
to show your love
for each other
but you don't know
they are all under
my watchful eyes
and you don't know
that i have responded
to your every single post
right here

and
where are those bitter posts
seems like you deleted them
just like you deleted me from you
you want your love to be perfect
or at least that's what your blog looks like
isn't it

you thought its such a private place
for you two
and nobody else reads it
what you do not know
is that there's another two who does
me
and another person
who i gave a VIP pass
to your blog

we might not have contacted for more than a year
but
i still know a lot about you

that picture
that kiss
i looked at it
and i'll take it
no choice
because he's your boyfriend
but what tastes sweet in your mouth
tastes sour in mine

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My middle name is Extreme

just so you know
my words are getting extreme

so you slept with him huh?
you seem to keep emphasizing
that he hugged you to sleep
that you felt warm when he was sleeping beside you
that you listened to his breath next to you
that you would kiss him when you see him still sleeping on your bed when you're back from school
and that you missed him when he does not sleep with you

i got a suggestion
why not just go all the way
and write
that you had sex with him?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This couldn't be more contrasting! (Warning: Strong language! Read with care.)

There you go
Feeling good
Writing about those happy things
And those happy memories

Not too long ago
You were sulking aren't you

Looking at what you said
Makes me wanna laugh
Not happy laughs
Not evil laughs
Just a laugh
With no feelings attached
Oh man
I could be the first person to ever laugh without any feelings

What i laugh about
Is about contrasts
And believe me
Things couldn't be more contrasting than this
Don't believe?
I'll prove it to you
And make you believe
And perhaps
Laugh without feelings
Exactly like what i did

You said
Just looking at his eyes
Simply makes you wanna kiss him
Looking at him walk in front of you
Makes you wanna hug him tight from behind
And whisper to his ears
I love you

You wanna know what i say?
Well i say
Just looking at his eyes
Simply makes me wanna kill him
Looking at him walk in front of me
Makes me wanna stab him in his back with the sharpest knife
And whisper to his ears
Enjoy your last breath

I would also say to you
Just looking at your eyes
Simply makes me wanna kiss you
Looking at you walk in front of me
Makes me wanna hug you tight from behind
And whisper to your ears
I love you

And you
Just looking at my eyes
Simply makes you wanna kill me
Looking at me walk in front of you
Makes you wanna stab me in my back with the sharpest knife
And whisper to my ears
Enjoy your last breath

Even if you don't have this feeling
He might have

If he slaughtered me
And i shed all my blood
The ground will feel honoured
That my blood were shed on them

If i slaughtered him
And he shed all his blood
There's only one possibility
The ground felt polluted and insulted

I participated Earth Hour
I love the earth
So if i don't kill him
Its because i don't want to pollute the earth

Contrasting huh?

Waiting on the world to change

it's the title of a song
by john mayer
he's waiting on the world to change
i dont wish for that much
i'm just waiting for one person to change
not the whole world
or is it?

you were waiting for his texts
i am waiting for yours
just because you waited a little longer for his texts
you sulked
what about me
i waited for 15 months

but its ok
i understand
and also
i could text you at all hours
if only i could

with him
you need to learn independence
perhaps its good for you
but you dont have to
if you were with me

sometimes i ask myself
why you dont give me a hell of a chance
when the choice is obvious
perhaps you haven't seen my good yet
and perhaps i will never have the chance to show it to you
but through it all
i came out with something
some things are not meant to be
i play sports
and in sports
we learn things about life
so often
we see a better team lost
or a weaker player won
that's what sports is all about

and that is also what the world is all about
certain things
are just not meant to be
no matter how good you are

i said
i am waiting for you to change your mind and take a look at me
but the world is full of things like that
so
does that also mean
that i'm waiting for the world to change?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

You need me, and I love you, I seriously do...

alright
this is getting serious
you wrote about death
you said you battle to sleep each night
you said you will embrace death
you see it as a form of release
you said several times your vision went black
you said you are dizzy and clinging for support
yet you said you are smiling when those things happened
you said you know your body more than anyone
you said if anything happens to you
you want to say to him
'farewell and i love you'
you put a smiley after that

all the things you said
i wonder
is it just your aggravation
is it just your way of writing
or
is it true about your experience
is it true about what is happening to you

if all the things you said
are really true
i do not wish to be there by your side
i do not wish to take his place in your heart
not anymore
i do not wish for that much
i know where i stand
and its impossible
all i wish is to be able to offer some words of comfort

but how
tell me how to approach you back
you ignored
you rejected
all the ways that i have tried
tell me what to do

how i wished that you chose me
how i wished that i am yours
and you would not have to endure
what you are enduring now
the pain of ignorance
from the one you love

oh
how i wished
that you are reading my blog
you need me
and i love you
i seriously do

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Le Sulk

le sulk
is french
it means
a person who sulks a lot
a person who is sulking all the time

i sulk a lot
but only in my blog
what i sulk about
it obvious
for those who have been reading my blog
and its the same thing that i have sulk about
for over 14 months

people must have been mesmerized
by the longevity
of my sulking
about the same thing
how did i manage that
i dont know
some say
get a life
i dont care
cause i love to sulk
in my blog
but certainly
not in real life

so
at least allow me a place to sulk
not such a big request
isnt it

i sulk
but you sulk too
you sulk about your boyfriend not being with you these days
you sulk about you missing his warmth
you sulk about not having him beside you when you sleep
you sulk about having no one to be your listener now

how i wish i could let you know
that i'm still very much alive
and i could be the one
to give you the things that no one else can
while
he cant give you this
he cant give you that
i can say
i can give you this
i can give you that

i confess
i still love you

dont ask me how i know all these stuffs about you
but i really know

Monday, May 10, 2010

Irony Tres

after following the trend
by having a second episode of irony
i decided to go one better
by making it a trilogy
like x-men trilogy
with irony tres

tres
as in
one two three four
uno dos tres cuatro
i know you want me
you know i want cha
sound familiar huh

my previous two posts were all about irony
if you are still unclear of what the hell irony is
let me explain it
in english at its simplest form
irony means
something which is insulting

in football
steven gerrard vowed to help liverpool beat chelsea two weeks ago
ironically
he was the one who gifted chelsea the victory

in science
the universe is way further than the oceans
ironically
scientists seem to know more about galaxies which are lightyears away
than the ocean which is just several kilometers at its deepest

in automobiles
toyota prius was created to bring an innovative concept towards cars
ironically
it was on the headlines because it brings a lot of problems towards drivers

my irony trilogy started with a short and powerful statement in 'irony'
then i further elaborated and explained it in 'irony 2'
now i want to end with a bang
with yet another short but powerful statement
particularly
to her

you used to know all my deepest secrets
even my dirty little secrets
now you probably do not even know whether i am dead or alive
but
i bet you would not even care about it

am i right?
or am i right?
the answer is obvious here

irony
is scary

Monday, May 3, 2010

Irony 2

it seems like a trend
everything has its continuation
iron man 2
ip man 2
so i will follow the trend
with my own
irony 2

you see
the world is full of irony
from the simplest things in life
to the most complicated things ever thought of
irony is everywhere
its just a matter of whether one notices it
or how one notices it

google 'irony' under images
among the first few results
you will come across a picture
which i think is a masterpiece
it shows a fitness center
with stairs and escalators leading up to it
ironically
you see people heading to the fitness center
using the escalators
and not the stairs
if you are health conscious enough to go to a fitness center
you should be health conscious enough
to be able to take that few steps up the stairs
rather than taking those lazy escalators

ironical
doesn't it
irony is sometimes hard to detect
yet too common to be mentioned everytime you see it
but the word 'ironically' would earn you some language or grammar marks
if you use it in your essay
as a conjunction

after this is posted
everyone could possibly see this
as long as they drop by my blog
but the one main person this blog is intended to
i believe
is also the one person who has the least possibility to see this
once again
this is ironical

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Irony

do you know what is irony?
the one person who used to know most things about me
is the one person who knows least about me now
that's what i call irony

TRY

try to imagine if he refuses to reply your messages
try to imagine if he blocks you on msn
try to imagine if he deletes you from facebook
try to imagine if he ignores your apology and scolds you further
try to imagine if he tells you to get out of his life
try to imagine if he deletes you from his memory
try to imagine if he treats you the way you treated me way back last year
try to put yourself in my shoes and feel what i feel
if only you would try
but you don't have to
because he won't treat you that way
because he loves you
and more importantly
you love him

sometimes
we just have to put ourselves in others shoes
in order to understand why they will react in the way they reacted
if only everyone will put themselves in others shoes
and think
not only in my case
but many other things
would turn out to be much better

if the attacking country put themselves in the shoes of the country being attacked
wars won't exist
if the rich put themselves in the shoes of the poor
food won't be wasted
if all drivers put themselves in other drivers' shoes
accidents won't happen

i read the blog of the girlfriend of an accident victim
it was hard to read
or should i say heartbreaking to read
i am a guy
with tears in my eyes
after i read it

if only everyone would put themselves in others shoes
if only you would try imagine being in my position
just try