You need me, and I love you, I seriously do...

alright

this is getting serious

you wrote about death

you said you battle to sleep each night

you said you will embrace death

you see it as a form of release

you said several times your vision went black

you said you are dizzy and clinging for support

yet you said you are smiling when those things happened

you said you know your body more than anyone

you said if anything happens to you

you want to say to him

'farewell and i love you'

you put a smiley after that

all the things you said

i wonder

is it just your aggravation

is it just your way of writing

or

is it true about your experience

is it true about what is happening to you

if all the things you said

are really true

i do not wish to be there by your side

i do not wish to take his place in your heart

not anymore

i do not wish for that much

i know where i stand

and its impossible

all i wish is to be able to offer some words of comfort

but how

tell me how to approach you back

you ignored

you rejected

all the ways that i have tried

tell me what to do

how i wished that you chose me

how i wished that i am yours

and you would not have to endure

what you are enduring now

the pain of ignorance

from the one you love

oh

how i wished

that you are reading my blog

you need me

and i love you

i seriously do